Watershed years

I didn’t think

came so early

in one’s time.

From broken sidewalks

to desert trails

foot-printed by

horned and scaly creatures.

Buzzing of wasps,

june bugs and

moths,

clothed the hot

breezes

with eternal murmurs.

It was in third grade that I experienced more of what the world had to offer.  I and a few other children were given some money and taken to a department store  to buy Christmas gifts for our family.  At that time, I had five siblings and my mother was pregnant with my twin brothers. It was my first trip to a store and it was fun.  I felt good and proud to be able to buy gifts, plastic toy soldiers and trucks for my brothers; purses and paper dolls for my two sisters; and some gifts for my parents.  I also felt somewhat guilty though as I had an experience my siblings didn’t, so I didn’t share my sense of spaciousness and awe at the colors, sights or sounds of the experience. I sensed that my parents and grandparents were embarrassed by this gesture by the school.

 

 

My sense of alienation from classmates continued in third grade; one time I was drinking water at the outside fountain during recess and I asked my teacher why the students didn’t like me or choose me to play with them.  She told me that there was an odor in the room and the odor came from me.  While I was saddened by the information, at least I knew now and could understand their behaviors.  It didn’t make recess or other times easier to bear, and I recall thinking of all of us kids at home only taking a shower once a week and sleeping with siblings and wet beds upon wakening.

Rhythm and Rhyme

My first experience

with song

arriving

at the right time

to hear waves

to see music

to connect to

beauty and places

far away.

Third grade was also my first experience with transcendence, not in the religious sense but where I could live in a place of imaginings beyond my home and school life.  For some reason, I became involved with singing and this world saved my heart and soul.  With music I could imagine stories and worlds more like what I read in books; and I could actually feel many of the words as I sang them. One incident:  A smaller group of us were to sing in a public place, perhaps a restaurant or department store lobby area, and we were to wear a white shirt, black skirt and black shoes.  I had none of the required clothing items.  However, someone found or bought or borrowed???   a white sleeveless dress with orange piping. I recall the teachers being annoyed with me, however I was just glad that I didn’t have to go home, that I could be a part of this new venture.  So even though I looked different from the other students, I sang and was glad to be a part of this.  Singing through school choirs/classroom groups was very important to me up through high school.

***Images obtained from Internet in June of 2014.